Was a time once, oh long time ago, when this attorney was asking me like all sorts of questions. And believe it or not, he wanted dates (no he didn't want to date me) for like all kinds of stuff. You know, like you have seen on TV. I'm like DUDE, I can't remember dates. And he wants to know why (go figure) and I'm like I don't measure my life by dates (its hard enough to remember how many times I've been married) I measure it like I know what happened and then after that something else happened and after you get enough events you get to now, but there are probably a heap a things that happened before "now" that I don't remember. And he's like well why can't you remember them? Well for starters I was probably drunk or stoned or both (remember now this was when I used to get drunk, stoned or both). So he says well do you think you have OBS. And I go you mean Organic Brain Syndrome. He says yeah and I'm like how the hell do I know do I look like a Doctor? So get this now, are you ready for this. He puts a pad of paper and a pencil in front of me and tells me to figure it out.
Well my lawyer starts laughing his ass off. The judge is asking my lawyer whats so funny and my lawyer is apologizing for laughing while I'm looking at this pad of paper and pencil tryin to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do with it. So I start doodling. Well by this time this person trying to give me the third degree is like getting pissed. And he asks the judge to order me to put down the dates he wants on the paper. Well by now I'm stating to get a little cranked myself so I tells the judge, look your honor if you want me to put dates down on this piece of paper I'll do it. You just tell me how many dates you want me to write down and I will do it. But ain't no way I am going to testify that they are anything close to the truth cause I'm gonna have to make them up and if I say its the truth dude there will try and nail me for perjury. Well now my lawyer is laughing again. Judge looks at my lawyer and says he can't do it can he. My lawyer goes nope. Judge tells dude well it looks like if your going to rely on dates to make your case your out of luck.
Now all of that probably wouldn't mean anything except yesterday I'm in church and the preacher is like giving this bang up talk on America (yeah I know I wondered about it too) and I don't know how he gets to it but he asks everyone in the church who has ever been in jail to stand up. Well people are slowly standing up and I'm hesitating and my lady jabs me in the ribs so hard I about jump up and I'm like Jesus (well we were in church) and she says (in her out loud voice) well you've been in jail and I'm like I know and he knows I just hope he don't ask me how many times and what the damn dates were.
So by now you may be wondering what does all this have to do with New Years. Well I don't know about everybody, but I do know that some of us have probably seen a few more new years than we ever deserved to see. See New years is nothing more than another date, another chance, another beginning. Everyday you wake up on this side of the dirt you have another chance at another beginning. I wish for you all, "new beginnings" and "second chances". Make a commitment to yourself........................LIVE FREE........................RIDE FREE...rc