THE RESULTS ARE IN!!! TA DA! Referring of course to our 5-29 post on how NHTSA (you know, that gov'ment bureaucracy that is tasked with engaging in multiple tax , meaning YOUR dollars, funded studies to demonstrate that they know what is best for us than we do) in all their wisdom decided to spend some of our (yours and mine) money on determining which is safer, a $20.00 piece of garbage novelty helmet (but with a real cool paint job) vs. a high dollar helmet that the company that makes it swears by their bottom line meets the specifications that D.O.T. thinks a helmet should meet even though nobody can figure out what the D.O.T. specifications really mean or what they really are or if the manufacturer's manufacturing said helmets are actually adhering to those specifications because like how do we know when all they have to do is say we did it (we promise) and slap a D.O.T. sticker on it cause like D.O.T. doesn't test those helmets (Sorry bout that folk I was just experimenting to see how long a run on sentence I could write. Instead of bad grammar lets just refer to it it as scream of consciousness typing).So ok, the results you have all been waitin for (yeah I know, but hey I have been. Really! These little government peccadillo's amuse me. OK, I'm whacked. Remember? I like sticking nine volt batteries to my tongue). The results come from a little missive entitled "Summary of Novelty Helmet Performance Testing" (catchy little title ain't it). I'm not gonna repeat the whole thing here, but if you would like to have a little bedtime (or maybe bathroom) reading you can find it here. I'm just going to cut to the chase (or in their words "conclusion") which mind you , without my own independent testing laboratory (D.O.T. don't have any laboratories they got's to use the low bidder. Excuse me, I mean an independent outside source), as you will note in my 5/29 post I predicted what the results would be. I also predicted that anyone who has been riding for any length of time could also predict what the results might be. Ah ha , do you suppose that means that bikers are psychic? Or maybe we have a "mole" deep within the confines of the D.O.T.'s "star chamber" (oh Lord, I should have never printed that. Now I will have D.O.T. and NHTSA police tapping my phones, hacking my computer, binocularizing me from the "e-z serve" down the road, attaching "global positioning" devices to my motorcycle so they can track me to the secret drop place where the D.O.T. "mole" will provide me, for a small fee, last time I gave them a nine volt battery, with the secret results of the soon to be public documents).
Or maybe, just maybe, we ain't as freaking stupid as they think we are. Maybe without spending a whole of tax payers money we could like pick up a $20.00 piece of garbage novelty helmet, smack it against our heads a couple times and go, nope, thats garbage.
(they haven't told us how much it cost to arrive at their conclusion . But hey, independent laboratories don't come cheap. Even low bidders with college graduates from Futile Unitary Causes Kept Secret, that have the same white coats they used in wood shop)
Cause ya now what they concluded? And I paraphrase, a motorcycle rider who wears a novelty helmet and has a crash where their head hits the ground is toast! Thank you Jesus NHTSA.
And for that illuminating yet fascinating research, "Big Bend Bikers for Freedom" is PROUD to award you our first annual "Box of Stupid" award.
And since we value your endeavors so much we wondered if we might impose upon you for two more favors: 1. Could you now get your spy cam out of my toilet? and 2. Next time you have any questions about motorcycling, how about asking someone that actually rides one? Respectfully yours...rc
